What In The Hell Am I Still Doing This For?

Getting ready for last night's gig, I found myself struggling to haul all my equipment up and out of my studio and into my van. I found myself thinking, “what the hell am I still doing this for?” After all, I'm not a kid anymore and, I usually have to do this alone. While my gear is compact and only 8 cases, those cases get heavier every year I do this. 

The original heavy metal: bronze, nickel-silver, 
iron, steel, & aluminum, waiting for the gig.

To top this off, I have developed arthritis, especially in my elbows and hands, and my right hand has been pretty useless these past 2 weeks. I've even experimented with different grips to try to be able to play. At least with the Gongs and such, it's not a hard hitting gig like playing a couple of hours in a rock band.

So I went to the gig and set up everything. And I still get that pre-gig rush of energy and wonder. I still have that same spark like I did as a 12 year old kid playing drums for the first time. Yeah, things like that aren't only in your blood, they're in your DNA. This stuff runs deep.

And when I started playing, I forgot all about how much my hand hurt, and how my fingers don't always want to cooperate. I just played. And for that time I was transported somewhere else. This morning I posted this on Facebook: 

Sometimes, especially when I have so much gear to carry, I wonder why I'm still doing what I'm doing. Then, I play a gig, either solo or with other musicians, and I know why, because it's always a transcendent experience for me and everyone else…

Yeah, transcendent. I think this is why most of us musicians continue to get out there and play. I hope I never lose that transcendent feeling…

~ MB

Deconstruct Yourself™


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